Love & Understanding Men: Love is a Verb, Choose to Love


I was recently honored to be chosen as the guest speaker for the Valentine’s Day Lunch for the Graduate Student Chapter of the Women in Science and Engineering (G-WISE), UMBC’s campus.


By request, I am posting the points from the talk.

WISE Valentine’s Day Lunch

Feb. 14, 2008

Love is a Verb: Choose to Love

1. Don’t assume that men understand what you mean or how you feel. Clarify, don’t play games.

2. Have boundaries. Once you’re in a relationship, use the “frame” with other men.

3. Avoid false images and unfair comparisons.

4. Be true to yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself.

5. Be supportive. Share dreams and work toward them.

6. Understand his method of communicating, explain yours, adjust expectations accordingly. (e.g. Be aware of deadlines, for exams or big projects.)

7. Understand vulnerabilities; handle them with care. Don’t be unnecessarily dramatic.

8. Remember general manners and niceties that you use with friends … simple things like “please” and “thank you.”

9. Abandon traditional roles when necessary (e.g. earning $$, taking out the trash) and embrace them when necessary (e.g. making dinner/baking cookies, cleaning the home.)

10. Be “equally yoked.” Share a belief system, e.g. what is important vs what is trivial, ideas/thoughts about life and death. KEY: Find a mutually strong support system.

MOTTO THAT I REFERENCE: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
I Cor. 3:4-8a, NIV

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